


The Less Time That I Spend With You, the Less You Need to Heal

by anniewhovian



Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club
Genre: Angst, Lots of Angst, M/M, its more of a reverse gift but still, ive returned from hiatus and the first thing i bring is angst this is a good welcome back gift right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-13 23:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7990741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anniewhovian/pseuds/anniewhovian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a Troye Sivan song that I've been absolutely obsessed with lately, enjoy! </p><p>Title from "Talk Me Down" by (duh) Troye Sivan</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [Listen before/while you read](https://youtube.com/watch?v=yT8h-ku17Wc)

Ian didn’t know when he had gotten so… clingy. He assumed it stemmed from Hana, as most things seemed to. It seemed unfair to find Hana the cause to such a thing, but as he thought about it, Ian came to realize that he may have been slightly jealous of Hana. Just a little bit. It wasn’t like Jeff seemed to pay her a lot of attention or anything, and it definitely wasn’t like Hana appeared to have a major crush on Jeff, no, not at all… 

Honestly, the whole thing was stupid. He and Jeff were together, they went on dates, they cuddled, they had even kissed , something which Ian would never admit made his heart race every time he thought about it. As much as Ian repeated this to himself over and over and over, he still felt as if everything could come crashing down at any moment as if one day Jeff would turn to him and say “Haha so you know that whole ‘dating’ thing we’ve been doing? Well turns out I don’t actually like you and I’m going to date Hana instead okay bye”.

Well, maybe not exactly like that, but the fear was definitely there.

It was all Ian could think about. Anytime he even saw a flash of pink his heart began racing and his chest tightened and he froze, stuck in a constant loop of “he doesn’t love you, he’s going to leave you, he’s better off with her”. The more he said it, the more his mind tossed him in this cycle, the more he came to believe it. The more he saw the chemistry between Jeff and Hana, the more he expected Jeff to break up with him, the more Ian found himself less than ideal for Jeff. 

It became difficult for Ian to reach out for Jeff. Where he would normally press his hand gently against Jeff’s, or lean against him, or even just tell him goodnight, Ian found himself stopping, his mind running through every possible scenario of this being the time Jeff leans away, or snatches back his hand, or doesn’t respond. Ian was hurting, and he was too afraid to say a word.

It didn’t take Jeff long to notice.

“Are you okay?” Jeff watched with concern as Ian once again sat rigidly next to, trying to imagine why he wouldn’t just curl up against Jeff, why he didn’t seem to want Jeff to touch him. 

“I’m fine.” Ian swallowed hard, stopping the tremble in his voice. He had been thinking lately, a lot of thinking, and with that thinking had come a decision.

“You don’t seem okay….” Jeff frowned, aware of the grim determination in Ian’s eyes. Something was off, something didn’t seem right….

Someone had made a wrong choice.

“Jeff, I…. I think, maybe…. Maybe we shouldn’t be together.” Ian couldn’t look at Jeff, couldn’t stand to see the hurt, shock, disappointment in his eyes. This was for the best. Ian…. Ian was broken. He had problems, so many problems, and Jeff didn’t deserve to deal with them, didn’t deserve to be weighed down. Ian clenched his fist, willing the tears away as he continued.

“I’m not… We’re not right, together. I’m…. You deserve better. You deserve someone like Hana, someone you don’t have to fix…” Ian was unwilling to stay any longer, the dizziness of the confession overtaking him as he stumbled out of the room, ignoring the call of “wait!” from Jeff, ignoring the tears tracking their way down his face as he fled.

* * *

Ian knew Jeff would come looking for him. He had turned off his phone long ago, the constant buzzing in his pocket just a reminder of what he wanted to forget. He thought of going to the tree, but Jeff knew that spot, knew Ian well enough that even the tree was no longer safe. Ian stumbled around the grounds, somehow finding himself on the rooftop of the academy. The cold evening air met him like a slap to the face, energizing his mind as Ian finally collapsed against the building, curling against the wind and the thoughts threatening to surround him.

He didn’t know how long he was like that, how long he went over the scene again and again in his mind, but when he finally unfurled, letting out a long , shaky breath, the moon was high in the sky, illuminating the emptiness around him. Ian wiped away the tears, the fabric of the jacket scratching against his face. 

Ian wanted nothing more than to go back, take back what he had said, curl against Jeff one last time. He missed the warmth of Jeff at his back, arms curled gently around him as they slept. He missed Jeff’s smile, the welcoming grin as he returned to the dorm. Ian knew it couldn’t have been more than a couple hours, but the loneliness had already wedged itself so deep into his heart and mind that he found himself letting out a low sob of despair. 

Ian stuffed his fist against his mouth, choking back the sobs as the tears once again made their way down his face, the familiar path they traveled interrupted as Ian tossed back his head, letting loose a broken cry. The only clear thing in his mind was that no matter what, he couldn’t go back to Jeff. He couldn’t. 

As much as Ian wanted to go back to the dorm, go back to Jeff’s familiar face, his warmth and love, Ian knew that none of it was possible any longer. He had ruined it for himself, he had let his worries and fears overtake him until the only thing left was to flee. 

Ian didn’t move from the roof until long after the sun had again appeared, until long after his throat was dry and his face was clear and his stomach had stopped rumbling. He had made a decision, and it was time to move on. 

Somehow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, it only gets worse.  
> Or maybe it gets better.  
> Or maybe it gets worse.  
> Who knows ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

“Ian!” Ian rushed behind the corner, heart racing. He didn’t want to see Jeff right now. He couldn’t, he couldn’t, he couldn’t. The tears pricked his eyes again and he wiped them away roughly, a stray sniffle drawing Jeff’s attention and Ian cursed under his breath.

“Ian, I’ve been looking for you all day and someone said they thought they saw you up here and- I was so scared.” Ian paled, his mind following Jeff’s train of thought quickly. Jeff thought-

“I wouldn’t do that. I’m sorry that I scared you, but please-” Ian’s voice cracked, a tear tracking it’s way down his face once again. “Please leave me alone.”

“Ian…”

“Jeff, I already told you. It’s over.” The touch of finality in Ian’s voice chilled Jeff, the latter shaking as he reached out for the former. Ian turned away, walking quickly back through the halls of Asagao, ducking into an empty classroom before collapsing back against the door and letting out a muffled scream of agony. 

Ian had done too much crying in the past 24 hours.

Shakily standing once again, weak from hunger and thirst, Ian finally made his way back to the dorm room. Jeff wasn’t there, thankfully, and Ian took the time to down a water bottle before grabbing another and taking a few granola bars, unwilling to stay in the room for longer than needed. 

Instead, Ian made his way to the club room, daring his luck that it would be empty. He thought it was, opening the door before he heard a familiar voice calling his name.

“Shit.” He whispered under his breath before turning, giving Luke a small smile. “Hey, Luke…”

“Jeff told me what happened.”

“Double shit.”

“Jeff really loves you, you know.” Luke moved towards Ian, reaching out before deciding against it.

“How am I supposed to believe that, Luke? I’m _broken._ I’m all kinds of messed up. I can’t sleep, I forget to eat, I have nightmares…” Ian shook, remembering the nights he woke up screaming, Jeff rushing to his side. It wasn’t fair to Jeff, not at all, and he hated that Jeff felt like he needed to help.

“You’re not broken, Ian. Don’t you dare say that! So what if you have problems? Jeff wants to help you, Ian. Why won’t you let him?” Ian turned, moving to watch out the window as the clouds drifted lazily overhead.

“I… I don’t know.” He let out a slow, shaky breath. “I’m afraid, I guess? No one has ever stayed with me this long. They’ve always left. I’m so afraid, Luke…” He turned just in time to collide, Luke’s arms wrapping around him as Ian took slow, steady breaths in an effort to calm himself.

“That’s the thing, Ian. We’re not going to leave you, especially not Jeff. You need to talk to him.” 

“I’m scared.”

“That’s okay.”

* * *

Ian wasn’t sure where he was going to find Jeff, but kicking soccer balls angrily in an empty pitch was the winner. Jeff seemed so angry, Ian was almost afraid to approach. Maybe it would be best to just leave…. No. He was going to make things right.

“Jeff,” Ian spoke slowly, the final thud of Jeff’s foot against the ball seeming to echo across the pitch as he froze. Ian moved forwards, uncertain, before stopping and speaking again.

“We need to talk.”

“I thought-” Jeff’s voice broke, the pain in his throat rising as Ian heard it. He had done this. He had hurt Jeff. “I thought we were over.”

“Jeff…. I’m so sorry. I’m selfish and an idiot and so damn scared. I’m so, so sorry.” 

“Why didn’t you just talk to me? We’re a team, Ian, we’re supposed to help each other, but I can’t do that if you won’t let me.” Jeff gave a shaky sigh, wiping away tears and Ian’s heart lurched in his chest.

“I know. I know, I know, I know, and I can’t make up for that. I can’t go back and redo my choices. But I want… I want a second chance.” Ian ran a hand through his hair, sniffling slightly before giving Jeff a small smile. Jeff watched for a moment, looking up at the sky before nodding, smiling slightly back. 

“Okay.”

* * *

The walk back to the dorm was slow, quiet. Jeff was the first to interrupt the silence, a sigh escaping him before he looked over at Ian.

“You know I don’t have feelings for Hana, right?” 

“…”

“ _Ian…"_

“Yeah. Okay. I just…. I got paranoid.”

“It’s okay, Ian. It’s normal to get jealous and whatever. Just talk to me about it okay?”

“I’ll try.” Ian gave a light chuckle, stiffening slightly as Jeff’s hand found his own. It was the first time they had touched since Ian had left, and it calmed Ian more than he was likely to admit. He had missed Jeff.

“I love you.” Ian watched Jeff solemnly, the air whipping his hair around him as Jeff smiled, Ian’s heartbeat speeding up before they kissed. Ian had _really_ missed Jeff.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream at me on Tumblr: anniewhovian.tumblr.com  
> I'm rewarding myself with ice cream for this.  
> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
